It’s easy to feel trapped when anxious: “I know this isn’t dangerous, why do I keep feeling this way then?” It’s confusing. Shame is common. “My brain must be broken.” An Anxious brain doesn’t mean the brain is broken, just at some point it learned an unhelpful lesson. It simply needs to learn a more helpful lesson. It’s normal for … Read More
Short-Term Comfort
Short-term comfort is hard to resist. We’re naturally drawn toward it. Add anxiety screaming “danger!!” and it becomes even harder to resist. Feels reckless to resist. The more we seek comfort though, away from the “danger,” the more we reinforce anxiety’s false alarms. We inadvertently teach our brain to continue sending us alarm bells in similar situations. This is the … Read More
Anxiety Loves to Stay Vague
Anxiety loves to keep us distracted by keeping our focus on the external “threat.” It thrives here. It also thrives off staying vague. For example, the brain perceiving that getting up on stage in front of a large audience is a threat (maybe the most common fear). The vague fear might be: “I’ll get nervous!” It’s common to just stop … Read More
No Fear
It’s tempting to pursue the goal of having no fear. “I’ll start giving presentations once I feel confident” “I’ll ask him out once I don’t feel afraid” It’s simply not obtainable though. Instead, we need to act, driven by our values, despite fear and anxiety screaming at us not to. Anxiety is a paradox. The harder we try to get … Read More
The Child Brain, The Parent Brain, & The Grandparent Brain
In many ways, we all have three brains: The Child Brain – highly reactive, automatic, not conscious, not logical, doesn’t learn through language. Only learns through experience. It’s the threat detection system. It’s perfect for keeping us safe and alive. However, it constantly overreacts. In fact, it’s wrong most of the time. At the same time, we’re lucky to have … Read More
How Long Does Homesickness Last (and How to Shorten its Duration)
The experience of homesickness has common features for all of us. At the same time, each of us can experience homesickness in a number of different ways, including its duration. For some, homesickness can pass fairly quickly, while for others it can take much longer. How long does homesickness last, in general? Studies have shown homesickness to last between … Read More
How to Not Worry or Overthink About Being Cheated On?
Our intimate relationships can offer a great deal of fulfillment; however, when the worry of infidelity becomes circular and persistent, it slowly chips away at trust. It is exhausting to find yourself in this cycle despite knowing it’s unlikely your partner is cheating. One part of you wants to know for sure, while the other part is tired of this … Read More
Why Am I So Quiet? A Psychotherapist’s Perspective
It can be a challenge to figure out why we do something or why we don’t do something. And a tendency to be quiet is not exception. It’s an important question though. We thrive off connection and the only way for us to connect is to talk and put ourselves out there. Why am I so quiet? Paying attention to … Read More
Why Am I So Quiet in Groups? And Should I Speak Up More?
Why am I so quiet in groups? A pattern of not speaking up in groups is often due to a fear of being judged, a core belief that we’re somehow flawed, and an underestimate of our social skills. Often, it’s not that we are lacking social skills, it’s that we need to address underlying thoughts and behaviors that maintain our … Read More
How Do I Stop Worrying and Overthinking What I Say?
What we say is crucial to creating and maintaining meaningful relationships in our personal and professional lives. It’s wise to be concerned with what we say. However, when the concern turns into persistent and circular worry about what we’ve said in the past or what to say next, we can get trapped in a cycle of anxiety that works against … Read More