O'Sullivan Counseling Blog

One of the most challenging but most beneficial shifts in attitude towards anxiety is welcoming it. Welcoming anxiety includes a willingness to feel it and be with it. This is hard. Learning how to ride a bike, drive a car, and play a sport is also really hard. Welcoming anxiety is a learned skill, but it’s also a feeling and … Read More

Attempting to think yourself out of overthinking is like forcefully yanking on a ball of tangled thread. It just doesn’t work.  Overthinking is often caused by overestimating the value of thinking and underestimating the value of paying attention to the external world and our bodies without interpretation. The ability to think and problem-solve is an essential tool, but it’s far … Read More

The best way to get a specific outcome is to focus on what you can control now and leave the rest. Anxiety refuses to accept this, though. It demands a certain outcome. Instead of measuring success based on the outcome (which is anxiety’s measuring stick), try measuring it a different way by asking: Did I act in a way consistent … Read More

Engaging with an automatic thought is a choice, but it doesn’t feel like it because we often: Assume all thoughts are worth engaging in Over-identify with our thoughts, believing they are a reflection of who we are Believe our thoughts reflect reality Creating distance from our thoughts takes consistent reminders that most thoughts are just static on the radio. 

Worry often disguises itself as planning. In reality, it’s just circular, busy work for the brain. Worry is circular, problem-focused, strives for certainty and perfection, ignores probability, and only focuses on possibility.  Planning has an end, is solution-focused, accepts reasonable amounts of uncertainty, values probable outcomes, not possible outcomes, and acknowledges that no plan is perfect.

On the surface, perfection seems like a worthwhile cause. Underneath, it’s the source of self-criticism, guilt, and shame. All of these promote giving up or pursuing perfection even more until we burn out and are forced to give up. Perfectionism makes promises of peace and success but delivers more pain and stagnation. Mistakes warn us of failure and rejection but … Read More

Anticipatory anxiety is often worse than the feared situation itself. If you look closely, anticipatory anxiety is often closely linked with indecisiveness. That is, delaying making a decision.  For example, someone who can’t sleep because they fear a big public speech the following day is likely indecisive about getting up on stage or calling in sick. Or whether to read … Read More

Taking a paradoxical approach of leaning into anxiety rather than avoiding it is essential. But self-care is just as important. Technically, self-care is likely to fall into the category of anxiety avoidance. When we label self-care as anxiety avoidance, it’s a recipe for self-criticism, guilt, and feelings of failure. Imagine a marathon runner beating himself up for taking a day … Read More

Someone who is afraid of flying is said to have a flying phobia. Flying is not usually the fear, however. It’s more of a trigger and doesn’t paint the entire picture. One person who fears flying might be afraid the plane will crash. Another person will fear having a panic attack mid-air. Another person will fear contamination or getting sick. … Read More

Being able to remain in the present moment, being open to automatic thoughts, feelings, sensations, and urges that arise while also holding and acting on long-term values rather than short-term comforts, is called psychological flexibility. It’s an important muscle to attend to and work out regularly. And think of it as a group of muscles rather than just one. A … Read More