Unhooking from Thoughts

If we pay attention, we’ll notice that our minds run all day long. We’re constantly engaged in self-chatter, judging ourselves and others, narrating our experiences, problem solving possible future scenarios, and replaying the past.

Some thoughts are intentional. Others are automatic, popping up out of our control.

Some thoughts are helpful, while others are just senseless and meaningless background noise.

Some thoughts bring us pleasant emotions. Some thoughts bring us intense and prolonged suffering.

In this article, I’ll address the thoughts that tend to cause us problems and bring us intense and uncomfortable emotions.

The Pink Elephant

We have control over what we do with our thoughts. But we have very limited control over all the thoughts that pop into our minds.

For example, close your eyes for 15 seconds. While your eyes are closed try to pay attention to the thoughts that enter your mind. At the same time, try hard not to think about a pink elephant.

What happened?

Of course, you thought of the pink elephant.

Maybe it was front and center the entire time. Maybe you were able to force some thoughts to the front of your mind, but the pink elephant kept interrupting. Maybe you had a voice in the back of your mind repeating, “Don’t think about a pink elephant.”

This exercise highlights two important things:

We have very limited control over the thoughts that pop into our minds

If we had full control, anxiety wouldn’t be such a challenge. We would simply choose not to place a problem thought into our mind. Problem solved.

We can’t force thoughts out of our mind. The more we do, the more it’s reinforced, and the louder it gets.

Thought suppression, which is trying hard to get rid of a certain thought, doesn’t work. It’s like trying really hard to go to sleep. The harder you try the further away you get from a relaxed state.

So if thought suppression doesn’t work, what does?

Rather than trying to control or eliminate anxious thoughts, a more helpful approach is to change how we relate to them. That means learning to notice our thoughts without automatically reacting to them or treating them as facts.

This process is sometimes called “unhooking” from your thoughts.

When anxiety shows up, it often brings thoughts like:

• “What if something goes wrong?”
• “I can’t handle this.”
• “Everyone will judge me.”

When we get hooked by these thoughts, they can take over — driving our emotions, choices, and even our bodies. We might avoid something important, freeze up, or spend hours ruminating.

But what if, instead of believing or fighting with the thought, you could take a step back and say: “I’m noticing that my mind is saying something bad might happen.”

That shift — from being inside the thought to noticing the thought — creates just enough space to choose how to respond. It’s like watching a train go by instead of jumping on board with every anxious story your mind tells.

You can’t stop the train from coming, but you don’t have to ride it every time.

That’s unhooking. You’re still aware of the thought — but it’s no longer pulling you around.

Try These Simple Unhooking Exercises

These are a few ways to practice unhooking when anxious thoughts show up:

1. Name the Story:

Give your recurring anxious thought a title, like “The I’ll-Mess-It-Up Story” or “The Something’s-Wrong Story.”

When it shows up, simply name it: “Ah, here’s the ‘Everyone Will Think I’m Awkward’ story again.” This creates some distance and reminds you it’s just a mental habit, not a fact.

2. Thank Your Mind:

When your mind throws out an anxious thought, try saying: “Thanks, Mind. I see you’re trying to protect me.”

You don’t have to believe it or argue with it, just acknowledge it and move on.

3. Sing It or Say It Silly:

Take the thought and repeat it in a funny voice or to the tune of a song (“Happy Birthday” works great). This helps break the spell the thought can have over you and reminds you it’s just words.

4. Leaves on a Stream:

Picture a stream with leaves floating by. Imagine placing each anxious thought on a leaf and watching it float away. You don’t need to push it or make it go away. Just notice it, and let it come and go on its own time.

5. “I’m Noticing…”:

Try saying this phrase when a difficult thought shows up: “I’m noticing that I’m having the thought that…”

For example: “I’m noticing that I’m having the thought that I’m going to mess this up.” This helps you observe the thought from the outside, instead of being stuck inside it.

Final Thought

Trying to control your thoughts is a common pursuit, but it often leads nowhere helpful. What’s often more effective is learning to notice your thoughts with curiosity and compassion, and gently choosing to focus on what truly matters to you.